18 APRIL 82
Yesterday I looked over our IRA's with Virginia. We talked about what we'd do after my retirement. Virginia was visibly surprised to hear me looking ahead. We considered what the house might bring in fifteen years, and where we might go to live.
Virginia put her arms around me and told me Sherwood, why not move to Willow Lake or Crescent Cove on the ocean? She wants rural, I have a taste for something cosmopolitan, but we have time enough to work it out.
Virginia is going to research the housing markets near the coast. Why not? It wouldn't be so bad getting away from this college town and all the traffic and the tract housing. The place has changed so much since I came here to do graduate work and stayed on to teach. People are so full of themselves, and everything is so damned expensive.
If one believes in the future, one cannot be completely without hope, can one?
3 MAY 82
Will I ever be really free from this great grey gloom? It's always reaching for me, even when I'm laughing. It's so deeply rooted, like a cancer..
I've read about the underground coal fires in Pennsylvania. They smolder for years. Decades. Then they flare up. There's a cave-in, and whole houses, entire families, are swallowed up and consumed by fire.
That's depression. It's always there, a smoldering fire beneath your bed. A chill inside your heart.
Still, as I walked to the campus this morning I came upon a Mockingbird in a tree. Stopping to listen, I felt like Robert Frost. That little bird had such an amazing, heartfelt repertoire of songs, I was enthralled for minutes. I thought, why don't I imitate a happy, competent man? And damned if my day didn't brighten mightily.
If there are black holes in my path, there are yet luminescent clusters of stars!
I am definitely getting BETTER.
15 MAY 82
I took Virginia to Crescent Cove for a long weekend. She was most surprised. And appreciative. We spoke to a real estate agent, who showed us a lovely cottage overlooking Crescent Cove. Virginia pointed out that the way the sea breeze blew the sky clear made it perfect for star gazing. I surprised her hugely, saying that I would rather gaze on her face. She positively blushed like a schoolgirl.
Perhaps she is finally enjoying the husband she always wanted.
And deserved?
21 MAY 82
The semester will be over soon, and Virginia and I are going to travel. She has found the most marvelous Bed and Breakfasts on the shore. She wants to use the time to get to know the housing market along the shore and help us plan for our next move. I've never seen her so excited since the Judith and Billy first rode the school bus.
Do you know I found myself whistling on the walk to school this morning!